








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 380 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 159 matches | ||
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Wingman | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2624 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,663 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1814 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2041 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2546 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 2262 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $934,978 of utility $168 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1302 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1talp | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 61% | 69 |
| #3 | NapalmRocket | 59% | 49 |
| #4 | mike481 | 58% | 26 |
| #5 | KiCk!nG | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 1talp | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 61% | 69 |
| #3 | NapalmRocket | 59% | 49 |
| #4 | mike481 | 58% | 26 |
| #5 | KiCk!nG | 43% | 21 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 4 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 480 | 0.30 | 12 min |
| #2 | mike481 | 177 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #3 | NapalmRocket | 106 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #4 | KiCk!nG | 91 | 0.20 | 3 min |
| #5 | 1talp | 74 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Retarded Sloth Certified | +3.16 | 90 | 61 |
| #2 | KiCk!nG | +1.57 | 81 | 77 |
| #3 | mike481 | +1.01 | 87 | 59 |
| #4 | NapalmRocket | +0.83 | 71 | 58 |
| #5 | 1talp | +0.72 | 91 | 70 |





