








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 312 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 154 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2313 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,045 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2488 | 31% |
| Smokes | 2016 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1486 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 2055 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $528,182 of utility $114 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 358 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Very Classic | 67% | 12 |
| #2 | Jaylin Jr. | 63% | 16 |
| #3 | NicJam | 62% | 21 |
| #4 | JojoR7 | 62% | 13 |
| #5 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 60% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | jervon | 50% | 24 |
| #11 | Dr. Rick Dagless M.D. | 50% | 34 |
| #12 | guy mcflurry | 45% | 22 |
| #13 | Dome Rock | 44% | 18 |
| #14 | Clover ❤❤ | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NicJam | 4 | 0.0091 |
| #2 | Very Classic | 4 | 0.0157 |
| #3 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 3 | 0.0052 |
| #4 | Joker | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Dr. Rick Dagless M.D. | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joker | 303 | 0.23 | 9 min |
| #2 | Retarded Sloth Certified | 168 | 0.29 | 4 min |
| #3 | Dr. Rick Dagless M.D. | 128 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #4 | jervon | 115 | 0.23 | 4 min |
| #5 | Dome Rock | 101 | 0.27 | 3 min |





