








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 49 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
419 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,262 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 341 | 27% |
| Smokes | 259 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 423 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 239 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $128,458 of utility $144 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PuffcoBtw | 76% | 17 |
| #2 | COACH | 75% | 8 |
| #3 | ben darnley | 71% | 17 |
| #4 | Kole Ming | 67% | 3 |
| #5 | jub jub | 67% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Hamms | 67% | 24 |
| #7 | Thomas Andrew Darnley | 65% | 17 |
| #8 | PUHHH | 64% | 36 |
| #9 | Rips Nigley | 63% | 19 |
| #10 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hamms | 13 | 0.0267 |
| #2 | PUHHH | 9 | 0.0127 |
| #3 | PuffcoBtw | 4 | 0.0122 |
| #4 | ben darnley | 3 | 0.0091 |
| #5 | COACH | 3 | 0.0196 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hamms | 89 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #2 | ben darnley | 76 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #3 | PUHHH | 45 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #4 | PuffcoBtw | 34 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| #5 | COACH | 33 | 0.22 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jub jub | +4.89 | 68 | 28 |
| #2 | WORGODICP | +2.99 | 56 | 51 |
| #3 | PUHHH | +2.36 | 52 | 32 |
| #4 | Hamms | +1.41 | 62 | 63 |
| #5 | Kole Ming | +0.91 | 67 | 61 |





