








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 113 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 235 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2047 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,658 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1183 | 25% |
| Smokes | 2600 | 56% |
| HE Grenades | 500 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 375 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $578,638 of utility $93 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 59 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Hamms | 49% | 67 |
| #8 | PuffcoBtw | 49% | 68 |
| #9 | Rips Nigley | 46% | 37 |
| #10 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | 46% | 123 |
| #11 | COACH | 39% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PUHHH | 25 | 0.0111 |
| #2 | Hamms | 23 | 0.0168 |
| #3 | PuffcoBtw | 13 | 0.0089 |
| #4 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | Mark Givens | 5 | 0.0146 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hamms | 267 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #2 | Diese Hündinnen lieben Sosa | 261 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #3 | ben darnley | 134 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #4 | PUHHH | 129 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #5 | PuffcoBtw | 112 | 0.08 | 1 min |





