








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 831 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 526 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 39 matches | ||
| Wingman | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4014 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,545 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1832 | 9% |
| Smokes | 6702 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 6783 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 5228 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,007,934 of utility $220 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 206 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | [Mongo]zinc | 43% | 173 |
| #8 | [Mongo]Bibbekul | 42% | 91 |
| #9 | perpilot | 42% | 115 |
| #10 | [Mongo]Django | 41% | 188 |
| #11 | h3xa9on | 38% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Mongo]zinc | 12 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | [Mongo]Zed | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Sgt. Tackleberry | 7 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | [Mongo]eQuals | 5 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | [Mongo]Django | 5 | 0.0013 |





