








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 157 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
656 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,985 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 247 | 8% |
| Smokes | 860 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1329 | 45% |
| Molotovs | 549 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $864,781 of utility $284 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 12 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | [Mongo]zinc | 39% | 31 |
| #9 | [Mongo]Django | 38% | 29 |
| #10 | Theo | 33% | 9 |
| #11 | [Mongo]Jelsapresten | 33% | 27 |
| #12 | Sgt. Tackleberry | 33% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Mongo]Carracus | 5 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | [Mongo]zinc | 4 | 0.0066 |
| #3 | Sgt. Tackleberry | 3 | 0.0025 |
| #4 | [Mongo]Zed | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | [Mongo]eQuals | 2 | 0.0033 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Mongo]Zed | 184 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #2 | Sgt. Tackleberry | 89 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | [Mongo]zinc | 83 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #4 | [Mongo]Jelsapresten | 83 | 0.14 | 2 min |
| #5 | [Mongo]Carracus | 47 | 0.02 | 1 min |





