








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 323 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Wingman | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1259 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,766 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 271 | 5% |
| Smokes | 1224 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2069 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 2202 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $705,767 of utility $171 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 177 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | perpilot | 38% | 29 |
| #9 | Sgt. Tackleberry | 35% | 68 |
| #10 | [Mongo]paNzer | 32% | 19 |
| #11 | [Mongo]Bibbekul | 26% | 35 |
| #12 | h3xa9on | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Mongo]Carracus | 6 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | [Mongo]zinc | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | [Mongo]Zed | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | 𝕫𝕒𝕚𝕂𝟘 | 3 | 0.0079 |
| #5 | Sgt. Tackleberry | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Mongo]Zed | 290 | 0.16 | 8 min |
| #2 | [Mongo]zinc | 193 | 0.17 | 6 min |
| #3 | Sgt. Tackleberry | 98 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #4 | [Mongo]Carracus | 74 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #5 | [Mongo]eQuals | 44 | 0.05 | 1 min |





