








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 587 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 458 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Renown | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 75 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4583 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,375 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5757 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5504 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 4480 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2634 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,016,012 of utility $92 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 487 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | [Mongo]eQuals | 47% | 68 |
| #7 | [Mongo]Bibbekul | 40% | 62 |
| #8 | [Mongo]Django | 39% | 87 |
| #9 | [Mongo]zinc | 36% | 61 |
| #10 | h3xa9on | 31% | 54 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [Mongo]Carracus | 9 | 0.0013 |
| #2 | [Mongo]zinc | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | [Mongo]Django | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | [Mongo]eQuals | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #5 | Sgt. Tackleberry | 2 | 0.0010 |





