








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 254 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 294 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 179 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Premier | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




333 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3743 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,413 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11844 | 47% |
| Smokes | 4183 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 5071 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4315 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,678,211 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 4829 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SystemOfADowns | 50% | 54 |
| #2 | John Fartbuckle | 49% | 45 |
| #3 | jazzy | 47% | 43 |
| #4 | teej | 46% | 231 |
| #5 | caL | 44% | 45 |





