








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 22 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 51 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 41 matches | ||
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 8 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3195 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,704 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2129 | 24% |
| Smokes | 2512 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2252 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1811 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $888,894 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 406 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asdf 李 | 69% | 45 |
| #2 | Bober | 68% | 59 |
| #3 | My Nuts Stink | 67% | 46 |
| #4 | Jahsexual | 61% | 36 |
| #5 | cняᴉs ☢ | 59% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | cняᴉs ☢ | 59% | 66 |
| #6 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 58% | 157 |
| #7 | Anderdingus | 56% | 104 |
| #8 | Coronary Orgasm | 51% | 41 |
| #9 | CaptainBohemia | 50% | 40 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 21 | 0.0069 |
| #2 | cняᴉs ☢ | 14 | 0.0115 |
| #3 | My Nuts Stink | 11 | 0.0125 |
| #4 | asdf 李 | 11 | 0.0125 |
| #5 | Anderdingus | 9 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bober | 407 | 0.35 | 9 min |
| #2 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 386 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | Anderdingus | 303 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #4 | Jahsexual | 135 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| #5 | asdf 李 | 92 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bober | +7.96 | 85 | 65 |
| #2 | asdf 李 | +2.74 | 88 | 41 |
| #3 | balls | +2.28 | 50 | 51 |
| #4 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | +1.54 | 63 | 55 |
| #5 | My Nuts Stink | +1.33 | 52 | 53 |





