








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 801 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 78 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 74 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 65 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




107 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5651 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,698 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3391 | 17% |
| Smokes | 4212 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 7126 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 4969 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,132,802 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2004 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | balls | 67% | 46 |
| #2 | Bober | 62% | 162 |
| #3 | asdf 李 | 62% | 42 |
| #4 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 57% | 285 |
| #5 | Jahsexual | 55% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cняᴉs ☢ | 58 | 0.0231 |
| #2 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 55 | 0.0098 |
| #3 | Bober | 48 | 0.0154 |
| #4 | Anderdingus | 19 | 0.0187 |
| #5 | Jahsexual | 17 | 0.0160 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bober | 953 | 0.31 | 22 min |
| #2 | Ethlam Abdulmanut | 660 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #3 | cняᴉs ☢ | 300 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #4 | Anderdingus | 173 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #5 | Jahsexual | 171 | 0.16 | 3 min |





