








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 333 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 63 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1082 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,050 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1749 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1338 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 966 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 997 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $192,589 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 241 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | s q u e a k y | 64% | 14 |
| #2 | sharpy | 51% | 39 |
| #3 | Girr | 49% | 43 |
| #4 | Tsunade | 48% | 25 |
| #5 | efaR | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | sharpy | 51% | 39 |
| #3 | Girr | 49% | 43 |
| #4 | Tsunade | 48% | 25 |
| #5 | efaR | 40% | 20 |
| #6 | Furious | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Furious | 3 | 0.0064 |
| #2 | sharpy | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Tsunade | 2 | 0.0036 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Girr | 235 | 0.24 | 7 min |
| #2 | sharpy | 216 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #3 | efaR | 145 | 0.30 | 3 min |
| #4 | Furious | 117 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #5 | Tsunade | 99 | 0.18 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LEWDOG | +2.40 | 91 | 72 |
| #2 | s q u e a k y | +0.40 | 64 | 49 |
| #3 | efaR | -0.15 | 66 | 66 |
| #4 | sharpy | -0.62 | 62 | 68 |
| #5 | Tsunade | -0.80 | 73 | 67 |





