








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 812 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 303 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3804 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,883 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1412 | 21% |
| Smokes | 2472 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 1007 | 15% |
| Molotovs | 1992 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,358,953 of utility $232 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 90 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HuskyChuck | 65% | 37 |
| #2 | vincent | 58% | 59 |
| #3 | Asstronaut | 49% | 152 |
| #4 | cowboy | 47% | 138 |
| #5 | marooch | 47% | 58 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | cowboy | 47% | 138 |
| #5 | marooch | 47% | 58 |
| #6 | Dinkson | 43% | 40 |
| #7 | zimyzaza | 42% | 66 |
| #8 | Michael Scarn | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cowboy | 33 | 0.0120 |
| #2 | Asstronaut | 22 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | vincent | 8 | 0.0065 |
| #4 | zimyzaza | 7 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | HuskyChuck | 7 | 0.0089 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | vincent | 237 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | Asstronaut | 208 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #3 | cowboy | 165 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | HuskyChuck | 87 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | marooch | 69 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HuskyChuck | +7.10 | 75 | 62 |
| #2 | cowboy | +4.21 | 80 | 55 |
| #3 | Asstronaut | -0.54 | 39 | 53 |
| #4 | Michael Scarn | -0.87 | 62 | 59 |
| #5 | marooch | -1.02 | 46 | 46 |





