








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 39 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 59 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
699 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,832 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1040 | 37% |
| Smokes | 589 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 767 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 436 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $337,589 of utility $148 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 17 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ewas | 50% | 6 |
| #2 | caed | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | juked | 44% | 80 |
| #4 | Champyon | 43% | 69 |
| #5 | DannyBRaps | 42% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Champyon | 43% | 69 |
| #5 | DannyBRaps | 42% | 96 |
| #6 | bungpoo (buttcrack <3) | 35% | 20 |
| #7 | nicBOT | 27% | 26 |
| #8 | into the black infinity | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DannyBRaps | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #2 | bungpoo (buttcrack <3) | 3 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | juked | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | caed | 1 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DannyBRaps | 235 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #2 | juked | 126 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | Champyon | 70 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | bungpoo (buttcrack <3) | 24 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | nicBOT | 23 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ewas | +4.57 | 85 | 64 |
| #2 | juked | +3.78 | 78 | 54 |
| #3 | Champyon | -0.77 | 75 | 46 |
| #4 | bungpoo (buttcrack <3) | -0.88 | 58 | 37 |
| #5 | ZachJr | -0.97 | 67 | 60 |





