








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1211 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 241 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 97 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 53 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 47 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 14 matches | ||
| Faceit | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 126 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




102 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6725 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,531 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6139 | 23% |
| Smokes | 8411 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 5635 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 6346 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,788,639 of utility $165 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 6563 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doxxscast | 62% | 115 |
| #2 | Disappointment | 54% | 71 |
| #3 | rY1 | 53% | 73 |
| #4 | Zexuq | 52% | 84 |
| #5 | Doc | 51% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | NeoNoi | 45% | 65 |
| #10 | Dirty Dan | 44% | 108 |
| #11 | Lambdaman | 41% | 68 |
| #12 | siczix6 | 40% | 68 |
| #13 | timofsilence | 37% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gumi | 27 | 0.0093 |
| #2 | doxxscast | 14 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | Dirty Dan | 12 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | rY1 | 9 | 0.0062 |
| #5 | Disappointment | 7 | 0.0047 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doxxscast | 405 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #2 | Gumi | 394 | 0.14 | 11 min |
| #3 | Lambdaman | 283 | 0.20 | 7 min |
| #4 | Dirty Dan | 280 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| #5 | rY1 | 233 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | doxxscast | +3.10 | 80 | 51 |
| #2 | Dirty Dan | +2.78 | 67 | 63 |
| #3 | rY1 | +1.92 | 59 | 62 |
| #4 | Lambdaman | +1.20 | 45 | 60 |
| #5 | Disappointment | +0.73 | 69 | 53 |





