








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 173 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 172 matches | ||
| Faceit | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2410 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,396 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2242 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3104 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 2210 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1840 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $546,074 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 83 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | hallvz. | 70% | 23 |
| #2 | memo | 60% | 80 |
| #3 | L1nk3d | 60% | 67 |
| #4 | matthias | 56% | 43 |
| #5 | A$AP Harfe | 55% | 99 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bademeister | 9 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | A$AP Harfe | 7 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | L1nk3d | 3 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | NWoida | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | memo | 2 | 0.0012 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L1nk3d | 343 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #2 | Bademeister | 213 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | memo | 205 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | A$AP Harfe | 179 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #5 | NWoida | 126 | 0.15 | 3 min |





