








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 602 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
875 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,999 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1139 | 28% |
| Smokes | 908 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1123 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 829 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $506,681 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 21 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | M0rall | 50% | 16 |
| #8 | DAF ツ | 43% | 7 |
| #9 | VESEN | 43% | 35 |
| #10 | BRJÁLAÐUR | 40% | 10 |
| #11 | Hentai_Lord_Lowup | 35% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | RicoX | 2 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | M0rall | 1 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | DAF ツ | 1 | 0.0064 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | »→DuRgUr99←« | 100 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #2 | M0rall | 86 | 0.25 | 2 min |
| #3 | asicooper98 | 72 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #4 | VESEN | 64 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | RicoX | 47 | 0.13 | 1 min |





