








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 232 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Esplay | 8 matches | 1,584 | |
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1537 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,428 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1842 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1808 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 1095 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 683 | 13% |
Our logs show you have wasted $528,793 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 106 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cheeseislife_ | 67% | 9 |
| #2 | xFROSTIG | 59% | 17 |
| #3 | SexyHuB | 54% | 46 |
| #4 | Tuckie | 54% | 13 |
| #5 | Bugsy77 | 47% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nallen | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Captain Kyrk | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | SexyHuB | 3 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | xFROSTIG | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #5 | Kiwi | 1 | 0.0054 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SexyHuB | 146 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Captain Kyrk | 99 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #3 | Nallen | 80 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | xFROSTIG | 69 | 0.19 | 2 min |
| #5 | SuperBad | 46 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tuckie | +6.36 | 85 | 40 |
| #2 | SuperBad | +1.89 | 64 | 62 |
| #3 | Nallen | +1.69 | 55 | 57 |
| #4 | H.O.L.K.E.N | +1.33 | 69 | 65 |
| #5 | xFROSTIG | +1.26 | 55 | 75 |





