








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 173 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Premier | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Renown | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1405 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,084 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 810 | 26% |
| Smokes | 883 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 652 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 739 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $225,617 of utility $106 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | clozich | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Gonoed | 60% | 5 |
| #3 | Dessau | 60% | 15 |
| #4 | langeslange | 53% | 19 |
| #5 | steffry | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | langeslange | 2 | 0.0048 |
| #2 | CJW | 2 | 0.0072 |
| #3 | Castillo Bruv | 1 | 0.0028 |
| #4 | Dessau | 1 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | Pappa D | 1 | 0.0065 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Dessau | 49 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #2 | Castillo Bruv | 48 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #3 | CJW | 38 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #4 | langeslange | 29 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #5 | Skraatz | 16 | 0.15 | 0 min |





