








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 237 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 9 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1869 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,009 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2930 | 29% |
| Smokes | 1998 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2432 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2649 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $256,449 of utility $63 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 102 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | turkyburgr | 50% | 72 |
| #2 | Jingo | 48% | 112 |
| #3 | Safari | 47% | 94 |
| #4 | LingLing | 37% | 19 |
| #5 | ꧁⎛⎝✨𝓜ary✨⎠⎞꧂ | 33% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jingo | 48% | 112 |
| #3 | Safari | 47% | 94 |
| #4 | LingLing | 37% | 19 |
| #5 | ꧁⎛⎝✨𝓜ary✨⎠⎞꧂ | 33% | 12 |
| #6 | FatNeekHeadass | 29% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jingo | 17 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | turkyburgr | 10 | 0.0069 |
| #3 | LingLing | 5 | 0.0122 |
| #4 | Safari | 2 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | turkyburgr | 219 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| #2 | Jingo | 211 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #3 | Safari | 188 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | LingLing | 35 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | ꧁⎛⎝✨𝓜ary✨⎠⎞꧂ | 9 | 0.04 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ran0ff | +3.82 | 65 | 76 |
| #2 | Jingo | -0.04 | 51 | 51 |
| #3 | ꧁⎛⎝✨𝓜ary✨⎠⎞꧂ | -1.49 | 32 | 49 |
| #4 | Safari | -1.51 | 25 | 53 |
| #5 | LingLing | -2.32 | 13 | 51 |





