








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 78 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 50 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
937 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,200 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 614 | 28% |
| Smokes | 574 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 638 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 374 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $532,977 of utility $198 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 84 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | turkyburgr | 45% | 31 |
| #2 | Jingo | 40% | 93 |
| #3 | nootmurloc | 38% | 8 |
| #4 | Safari | 37% | 108 |
| #5 | ran0ff | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Jingo | 40% | 93 |
| #3 | nootmurloc | 38% | 8 |
| #4 | Safari | 37% | 108 |
| #5 | ran0ff | 37% | 19 |
| #6 | FatNeekHeadass | 31% | 26 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jingo | 18 | 0.0098 |
| #2 | Safari | 12 | 0.0056 |
| #3 | turkyburgr | 7 | 0.0111 |
| #4 | nootmurloc | 4 | 0.0238 |
| #5 | ran0ff | 2 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Safari | 237 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #2 | Jingo | 133 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #3 | ran0ff | 98 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #4 | turkyburgr | 70 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | FatNeekHeadass | 12 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ran0ff | +1.99 | 63 | 76 |
| #2 | Jingo | +1.17 | 52 | 49 |
| #3 | Safari | +0.40 | 21 | 56 |
| #4 | LingLing | -1.32 | 18 | 42 |
| #5 | turkyburgr | -2.86 | 55 | 44 |





