








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 36 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 25 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
575 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,054 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 939 | 19% |
| Smokes | 1568 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 1235 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 1312 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $128,103 of utility $44 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Carrot | 33% | 12 |
| #8 | Arne con Carne | 33% | 58 |
| #9 | Rush the Toasty Boi | 29% | 49 |
| #10 | Skull | 21% | 19 |
| #11 | Twin | 0% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jam | 5 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Peaceyy | 4 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | cryvvi | 4 | 0.0037 |
| #4 | Rush the Toasty Boi | 3 | 0.0030 |
| #5 | Skull | 3 | 0.0082 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Rush the Toasty Boi | 127 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | Arne con Carne | 92 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | DaftDrummer | 88 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #4 | Peaceyy | 51 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | Jam | 41 | 0.06 | 1 min |





