








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 158 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 94 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
987 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,999 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1757 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1545 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 504 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 1193 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $275,976 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 41 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Saturn | 39% | 18 |
| #10 | J_Arno | 38% | 116 |
| #11 | blue | 33% | 9 |
| #12 | Dom Burgão | 27% | 11 |
| #13 | bugstomper36 | 27% | 33 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TWRK | 4 | 0.0041 |
| #2 | OakyPoky | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Dom Burgão | 2 | 0.0106 |
| #4 | blue | 2 | 0.0141 |
| #5 | J_Arno | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J_Arno | 318 | 0.13 | 8 min |
| #2 | OakyPoky | 173 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | TWRK | 86 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Timer | 60 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #5 | CodyRooBoy | 58 | 0.09 | 2 min |





