








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 12 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
187 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 238 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 70 | 29% |
| Smokes | 41 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 90 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 37 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $41,315 of utility $88 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TAZ | 67% | 3 |
| #2 | White Barack Obama | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | LittleGuy | 43% | 21 |
| #4 | vicnoodle | 33% | 3 |
| #5 | Fizzgig | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | White Barack Obama | 50% | 6 |
| #3 | LittleGuy | 43% | 21 |
| #4 | vicnoodle | 33% | 3 |
| #5 | Fizzgig | 33% | 6 |
| #6 | Big Bencer | 11% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Big Bencer | 2 | 0.0111 |
| #2 | TAZ | 2 | 0.0455 |
| #3 | LittleGuy | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | Fizzgig | 1 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LittleGuy | 41 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | Fizzgig | 23 | 0.18 | 1 min |
| #3 | White Barack Obama | 18 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #4 | Big Bencer | 4 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | vicnoodle | 4 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LittleGuy | +2.55 | 70 | 58 |
| #2 | Fizzgig | +2.05 | 44 | 68 |
| #3 | TAZ | +0.66 | 41 | 41 |
| #4 | Geoff© | -1.89 | 74 | 28 |
| #5 | White Barack Obama | -3.40 | 72 | 43 |





