








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1026 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 182 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 141 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 135 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 55 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 52 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 48 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 14 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




50 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10021 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,504 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4833 | 21% |
| Smokes | 7335 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 6678 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4658 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,567,958 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2050 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | White Barack Obama | 60% | 125 |
| #2 | Fizzgig | 55% | 222 |
| #3 | TAZ | 54% | 72 |
| #4 | vicnoodle | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | Big Bencer | 48% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | White Barack Obama | 60% | 125 |
| #2 | Fizzgig | 55% | 222 |
| #3 | TAZ | 54% | 72 |
| #4 | vicnoodle | 50% | 40 |
| #5 | Big Bencer | 48% | 126 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fizzgig | 20 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Big Bencer | 16 | 0.0063 |
| #3 | TAZ | 15 | 0.0102 |
| #4 | White Barack Obama | 13 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | vicnoodle | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fizzgig | 617 | 0.14 | 18 min |
| #2 | White Barack Obama | 227 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Big Bencer | 111 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | TAZ | 74 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | vicnoodle | 71 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | LittleGuy | +3.23 | 68 | 62 |
| #2 | Fizzgig | -0.15 | 50 | 64 |
| #3 | vicnoodle | -0.50 | 50 | 53 |
| #4 | White Barack Obama | -0.56 | 72 | 52 |
| #5 | TAZ | -1.32 | 55 | 34 |





