








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Mirage | 10 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 5 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
253 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 320 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 77 | 24% |
| Smokes | 108 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 67 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 68 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $61,870 of utility $115 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Coach | 100% | 3 |
| #2 | Chef | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | AssGas Ragner | 50% | 2 |
| #4 | Edizzy | 50% | 2 |
| #5 | Slax | 50% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | blueperez3 | 38% | 8 |
| #8 | FanBoy | 35% | 23 |
| #9 | Chockablocka | 33% | 3 |
| #10 | mrcool317 | 32% | 19 |
| #11 | HeresyEye | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FanBoy | 2 | 0.0047 |
| #2 | Plank | 1 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | Coach | 1 | 0.0222 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Plank | 45 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #2 | mrcool317 | 33 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | Chef | 17 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #4 | FanBoy | 7 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #5 | Edizzy | 6 | 0.17 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Michal Jorden | +4.03 | 52 | 49 |
| #2 | Coach | +1.92 | 34 | 31 |
| #3 | Plank | +1.80 | 59 | 56 |
| #4 | Edizzy | +0.85 | 54 | 41 |
| #5 | mrcool317 | -0.73 | 54 | 53 |





