








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 76 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 106 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




43 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2034 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,917 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2511 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1905 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1658 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 1843 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $372,790 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 160 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | premier bully (soft man) | 94% | 16 |
| #2 | ViperFish | 65% | 133 |
| #3 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | Tubs | 52% | 69 |
| #5 | kyoto | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | premier bully (soft man) | 94% | 16 |
| #2 | ViperFish | 65% | 133 |
| #3 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 55% | 20 |
| #4 | Tubs | 52% | 69 |
| #5 | kyoto | 50% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ViperFish | 45 | 0.0174 |
| #2 | Tubs | 15 | 0.0126 |
| #3 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 5 | 0.0117 |
| #4 | premier bully (soft man) | 2 | 0.0093 |
| #5 | kyoto | 2 | 0.0099 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ViperFish | 674 | 0.26 | 16 min |
| #2 | Tubs | 340 | 0.29 | 7 min |
| #3 | Kitsu ໒꒱ | 63 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #4 | kyoto | 42 | 0.21 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | premier bully (soft man) | +14.02 | 100 | 17 |
| #2 | Tubs | +4.47 | 93 | 66 |
| #3 | ViperFish | +3.30 | 91 | 63 |
| #4 | Huskmini | +0.93 | 80 | 63 |
| #5 | kyoto | -0.48 | 89 | 37 |





