








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 490 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 132 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 120 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2467 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,029 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2168 | 31% |
| Smokes | 1388 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1817 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1656 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $723,867 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 299 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shlappies | 83% | 36 |
| #2 | Kalawila | 81% | 68 |
| #3 | SpoegKoedoe | 79% | 14 |
| #4 | Ernesto | 79% | 84 |
| #5 | Zeradius | 78% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yourfluffyness | 4 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | SARick135 | 4 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | Ernesto | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Shlappies | 3 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | SpoegKoedoe | 3 | 0.0117 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ernesto | 400 | 0.24 | 9 min |
| #2 | Shlappies | 204 | 0.30 | 5 min |
| #3 | Kalawila | 184 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | Zeradius | 174 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #5 | ice_cream | 117 | 0.08 | 2 min |





