








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1080 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1391 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,531 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1741 | 38% |
| Smokes | 766 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1024 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1000 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $296,510 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 530 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | Bladden | 80% | 10 |
| #10 | ice_cream | 79% | 34 |
| #11 | SpoegKoedoe | 76% | 55 |
| #12 | Oom Dildo | 67% | 6 |
| #13 | SaltyWaffle | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpoegKoedoe | 4 | 0.0035 |
| #2 | Zeradius | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | ☭Phoenix | 2 | 0.0108 |
| #4 | Ernesto | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Kalawila | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ernesto | 464 | 0.28 | 10 min |
| #2 | Zeradius | 148 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #3 | Kalawila | 132 | 0.17 | 3 min |
| #4 | iFraggs | 101 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | SpoegKoedoe | 84 | 0.07 | 3 min |





