








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 898 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 282 matches | ||
| Faceit | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




33 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3541 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 9,484 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1752 | 18% |
| Smokes | 3348 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 1512 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2872 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,639,241 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 86 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dezark | 67% | 43 |
| #2 | Dissonant | 67% | 24 |
| #3 | Tummit | 63% | 30 |
| #4 | Nodrog | 56% | 73 |
| #5 | thats life | 55% | 225 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Scythe666 | 54% | 52 |
| #7 | loenhard | 48% | 31 |
| #8 | cheZ | 46% | 24 |
| #9 | TheBreadmeister | 46% | 24 |
| #10 | SPIKE THE DRAGON | 41% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thats life | 28 | 0.0059 |
| #2 | SPIKE THE DRAGON | 9 | 0.0138 |
| #3 | Tummit | 6 | 0.0095 |
| #4 | loenhard | 4 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | TheBreadmeister | 2 | 0.0040 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | thats life | 228 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| #2 | TheBreadmeister | 132 | 0.27 | 4 min |
| #3 | Scythe666 | 99 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Tummit | 82 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | dezark | 72 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dezark | +2.38 | 74 | 65 |
| #2 | Bob the Wizard | +2.28 | 82 | 50 |
| #3 | Dissonant | +1.69 | 53 | 56 |
| #4 | thats life | +1.18 | 68 | 34 |
| #5 | Nodrog | +0.62 | 68 | 49 |





