








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4305 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 2139 matches | ||
| Faceit | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 22 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 86 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




197 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
17461 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,825 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4947 | 16% |
| Smokes | 5428 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 10129 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 10321 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $13,784,248 of utility $288 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7531 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bob the Wizard | 55% | 225 |
| #2 | TheBreadmeister | 53% | 144 |
| #3 | Koyzu | 53% | 143 |
| #4 | cheZ | 53% | 134 |
| #5 | Nodrog | 52% | 547 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nodrog | 25 | 0.0022 |
| #2 | -`♡´- | 20 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | Bob the Wizard | 19 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | loenhard | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | Stratty 7.62s LIKE OSCAR MEYER | 10 | 0.0026 |





