








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 349 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 485 matches | ||
| Faceit | 119 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7491 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 21,540 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6612 | 31% |
| Smokes | 5493 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4891 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 4544 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,905,808 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 605 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | basert | 58% | 59 |
| #2 | 兎 pr1mo | 57% | 54 |
| #3 | capyo. | 57% | 96 |
| #4 | Feldmarschall Bienenstich | 51% | 72 |
| #5 | PEPPER | 51% | 72 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | -KONSI- | 49% | 183 |
| #11 | kasy | 49% | 45 |
| #12 | Alexander Hold | 47% | 55 |
| #13 | TintoLeonSki | 40% | 67 |
| #14 | BlAcky.at | 32% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apfelele | 14 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | ✪ Shibby | 8 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Pasha | 6 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | PEPPER | 5 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | 兎 pr1mo | 5 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apfelele | 1775 | 0.33 | 49 min |
| #2 | compl1cated | 656 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #3 | -KONSI- | 649 | 0.16 | 16 min |
| #4 | ✪ Shibby | 354 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #5 | capyo. | 342 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Apfelele | +1.96 | 74 | 76 |
| #2 | PEPPER | +1.87 | 80 | 68 |
| #3 | Pasha | +1.29 | 87 | 56 |
| #4 | Valar. | +0.85 | 78 | 67 |
| #5 | capyo. | +0.65 | 72 | 72 |





