








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1869 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 716 matches | ||
| Faceit | 62 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 111 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




52 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8125 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 36,507 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 14367 | 39% |
| Smokes | 5463 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 11044 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 5633 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,781,102 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2500 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | compl1cated | 51% | 110 |
| #2 | ✪ Shibby | 51% | 167 |
| #3 | Valar. | 50% | 245 |
| #4 | -KONSI- | 50% | 54 |
| #5 | Pingaxx | 48% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Pingaxx | 48% | 97 |
| #6 | Pasha | 48% | 64 |
| #7 | Alexander Hold | 44% | 169 |
| #8 | ✪ REM1337 ♡ | 42% | 43 |
| #9 | sAMY [L] | 40% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ Shibby | 14 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Alexander Hold | 10 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | Pingaxx | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | ✪ REM1337 ♡ | 5 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Valar. | 3 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Valar. | 717 | 0.13 | 19 min |
| #2 | Alexander Hold | 530 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #3 | ✪ Shibby | 501 | 0.14 | 14 min |
| #4 | Pingaxx | 317 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #5 | compl1cated | 215 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pasha | +2.47 | 87 | 64 |
| #2 | Apfelele | +1.88 | 72 | 75 |
| #3 | -KONSI- | +1.11 | 56 | 72 |
| #4 | Valar. | +0.32 | 78 | 66 |
| #5 | ✪ Shibby | -0.59 | 51 | 71 |





