








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 55 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 67 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1024 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,481 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 306 | 21% |
| Smokes | 408 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 529 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 238 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $283,151 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 158 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | spaghet | 57% | 14 |
| #2 | certifythat | 54% | 13 |
| #3 | Fishbowlgamer32 | 50% | 8 |
| #4 | Catdaemon | 49% | 87 |
| #5 | spqr | 47% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Crazy Dave | 4 | 0.0071 |
| #2 | spqr | 2 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Catdaemon | 116 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #2 | spqr | 111 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #3 | Crazy Dave | 41 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Fishbowlgamer32 | 22 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #5 | spaghet | 11 | 0.04 | 0 min |





