








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
112 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 462 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 131 | 28% |
| Smokes | 127 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 87 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 117 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $44,953 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A-Z | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | fj^ | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | MAGIC MONKEY | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Acetone [11] | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 67% | 6 |
| #3 | fj^ | 53% | 15 |
| #4 | MAGIC MONKEY | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Acetone [11] | 0% | 2 |
| #6 | Drewbert | 0% | 3 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fj^ | 6 | 0.0194 |
| #2 | MAGIC MONKEY | 4 | 0.0209 |
| #3 | A-Z | 4 | 0.0268 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fj^ | 33 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #2 | A-Z | 30 | 0.20 | 0 min |
| #3 | MAGIC MONKEY | 16 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | Acetone [11] | 8 | 0.16 | 0 min |
| #5 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 4 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | A-Z | +6.12 | 86 | 73 |
| #2 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | +4.40 | 72 | 78 |
| #3 | MAGIC MONKEY | +2.74 | 79 | 56 |
| #4 | fj^ | +1.75 | 82 | 48 |
| #5 | Acetone [11] | -1.35 | 59 | 58 |





