








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 13 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1202 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,761 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 561 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1080 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 1226 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 894 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $282,385 of utility $108 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 19 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AwakenToReality | 89% | 9 |
| #2 | Lars | 68% | 22 |
| #3 | MAGIC MONKEY | 52% | 33 |
| #4 | Acetone [11] | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Drewbert | 44% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Lars | 68% | 22 |
| #3 | MAGIC MONKEY | 52% | 33 |
| #4 | Acetone [11] | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Drewbert | 44% | 50 |
| #6 | Tiltz_ | 43% | 7 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAGIC MONKEY | 12 | 0.0178 |
| #2 | Drewbert | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | Tiltz_ | 3 | 0.0205 |
| #4 | Lars | 1 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lars | 122 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #2 | MAGIC MONKEY | 83 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | Tiltz_ | 39 | 0.27 | 1 min |
| #4 | Acetone [11] | 22 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Drewbert | 14 | 0.01 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tiltz_ | +2.74 | 85 | 52 |
| #2 | MAGIC MONKEY | +1.82 | 80 | 56 |
| #3 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | +1.18 | 76 | 64 |
| #4 | AwakenToReality | +0.69 | 73 | 45 |
| #5 | Lars | -0.78 | 66 | 64 |





