








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 19 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,560 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 434 | 28% |
| Smokes | 412 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 372 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 342 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $119,712 of utility $123 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AwakenToReality | 100% | 4 |
| #2 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 52% | 33 |
| #3 | fj^ | 50% | 6 |
| #4 | Wetussy | 44% | 9 |
| #5 | Drewbert | 23% | 13 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Drewbert | 3 | 0.0107 |
| #2 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | fj^ | 2 | 0.0164 |
| #4 | Wetussy | 1 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | 47 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | Wetussy | 31 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | fj^ | 15 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #4 | Acetone [11] | 14 | 0.14 | 0 min |
| #5 | Drewbert | 5 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MAGIC MONKEY | +2.85 | 80 | 53 |
| #2 | fj^ | +2.79 | 61 | 48 |
| #3 | but when I GET FUCKING FLASHED | +1.11 | 75 | 69 |
| #4 | AwakenToReality | -0.23 | 60 | 53 |
| #5 | Drewbert | -1.71 | 52 | 39 |





