








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 149 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
733 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,248 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1469 | 35% |
| Smokes | 1158 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 758 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 863 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $151,935 of utility $94 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 47 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | 75% | 4 |
| #2 | aa | 75% | 4 |
| #3 | comiskey | 68% | 19 |
| #4 | Fred | 67% | 9 |
| #5 | pancake | 67% | 9 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #12 | duhpe | 60% | 5 |
| #13 | TinNeR | 59% | 37 |
| #14 | Hoba | 55% | 20 |
| #15 | runner | 55% | 11 |
| #16 | cenoxxッ | 40% | 5 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyx | 2 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Coco | 2 | 0.0054 |
| #3 | Fred | 2 | 0.0104 |
| #4 | cenoxxッ | 2 | 0.0196 |
| #5 | Johno_ | 1 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyx | 153 | 0.28 | 4 min |
| #2 | TinNeR | 148 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #3 | Johno_ | 117 | 0.49 | 3 min |
| #4 | Coco | 97 | 0.26 | 4 min |
| #5 | Hoba | 88 | 0.22 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | +3.56 | 72 | 58 |
| #2 | jR-NASTY | +2.69 | 68 | 83 |
| #3 | Coco | +1.96 | 86 | 72 |
| #4 | Hoba | +1.44 | 78 | 71 |
| #5 | comiskey | +1.23 | 81 | 80 |





