








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 154 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 123 matches | ||
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2733 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,075 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2563 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2179 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1314 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 2019 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $947,570 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 195 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JoeyTheBiggest | 60% | 48 |
| #2 | syper | 60% | 40 |
| #3 | aa | 57% | 30 |
| #4 | jR-NASTY | 55% | 20 |
| #5 | Johno_ | 55% | 211 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johno_ | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | heyitsjman | 4 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | Joband0 | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #4 | syper | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #5 | TheBeardedGamer | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Johno_ | 1324 | 0.29 | 35 min |
| #2 | JoeyTheBiggest | 276 | 0.28 | 7 min |
| #3 | Killj0y | 209 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | syper | 199 | 0.23 | 7 min |
| #5 | Joband0 | 154 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | syper | +2.23 | 70 | 80 |
| #2 | jR-NASTY | +2.01 | 58 | 86 |
| #3 | Hoba | +1.89 | 85 | 58 |
| #4 | JoeyTheBiggest | +1.04 | 87 | 63 |
| #5 | TheBeardedGamer | +0.78 | 80 | 49 |





