








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 385 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 97 matches | ||
| Premier | 72 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2928 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,465 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3625 | 32% |
| Smokes | 2919 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2005 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2916 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $385,838 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 134 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Doug DimmaDaddy | 8 | 0.0179 |
| #2 | Zoom | 7 | 0.0092 |
| #3 | Caped | 5 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | Nyx | 4 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | bubls | 4 | 0.0061 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nyx | 278 | 0.23 | 8 min |
| #2 | jR-NASTY | 202 | 0.28 | 7 min |
| #3 | comiskey | 174 | 0.23 | 6 min |
| #4 | Caped | 156 | 0.12 | 4 min |
| #5 | NOWAH | 138 | 0.21 | 4 min |





