








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 743 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 917 matches | ||
| Faceit | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 69 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
9128 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,282 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2590 | 9% |
| Smokes | 13070 | 43% |
| HE Grenades | 7095 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 7527 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,538,809 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 176 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | holy guacamole | 51% | 297 |
| #2 | Didlo | 50% | 346 |
| #3 | FluxZ | 49% | 124 |
| #4 | Meow Zedong | 48% | 330 |
| #5 | SpectralOwl | 48% | 681 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpectralOwl | 15 | 0.0010 |
| #2 | Meow Zedong | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | holy guacamole | 7 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Didlo | 4 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Hohenberger | 4 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SpectralOwl | 758 | 0.05 | 18 min |
| #2 | Didlo | 503 | 0.07 | 13 min |
| #3 | Meow Zedong | 312 | 0.04 | 10 min |
| #4 | The cookie is not a rookie | 306 | 0.26 | 7 min |
| #5 | holy guacamole | 305 | 0.05 | 6 min |





