








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1470 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 644 matches | ||
| Premier | 214 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 44 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8370 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,543 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5822 | 22% |
| Smokes | 7587 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5788 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 7346 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,600,581 of utility $134 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1203 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pal | 60% | 50 |
| #2 | talktuahpodcast | 52% | 229 |
| #3 | Dead_Bed | 50% | 237 |
| #4 | Shmylife | 50% | 52 |
| #5 | Chup_aa | 50% | 70 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Seeker | 7 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | talktuahpodcast | 7 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Dead_Bed | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Pal | 6 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | Towlie | 5 | 0.0013 |





