








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 105 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1469 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,279 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 695 | 30% |
| Smokes | 636 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 491 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 457 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $251,590 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jabba the | 58% | 36 |
| #2 | Feebas | 52% | 33 |
| #3 | Sachiho | 46% | 54 |
| #4 | gun | 43% | 14 |
| #5 | Layzer | 42% | 12 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | sea oh 2 | 37% | 41 |
| #8 | magik | 36% | 11 |
| #9 | jeff slayer | 36% | 22 |
| #10 | door | 22% | 23 |
| #11 | rafiki | 18% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeff slayer | 4 | 0.0089 |
| #2 | SEN tteokbokki | 4 | 0.0127 |
| #3 | door | 3 | 0.0064 |
| #4 | Sachiho | 2 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Jabba the | 2 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sachiho | 302 | 0.28 | 6 min |
| #2 | sea oh 2 | 151 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | door | 122 | 0.26 | 3 min |
| #4 | jeff slayer | 91 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | Jabba the | 81 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jeff slayer | +5.37 | 92 | 63 |
| #2 | Feebas | +4.68 | 67 | 59 |
| #3 | sea oh 2 | +3.78 | 66 | 66 |
| #4 | SEN tteokbokki | +1.71 | 85 | 55 |
| #5 | Jabba the | +0.75 | 54 | 46 |





