








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 451 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 115 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 69 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 26 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 63 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




127 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6644 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,379 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4427 | 29% |
| Smokes | 5129 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 3952 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1871 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,671,689 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 975 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | vaLk | 64% | 90 |
| #4 | Jansson | 64% | 123 |
| #5 | Bottom Fragger Swagger | 64% | 289 |
| #6 | Andrxw | 63% | 46 |
| #7 | dmac | 55% | 56 |





