








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 82 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1337 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,663 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 991 | 27% |
| Smokes | 553 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 1028 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1091 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $214,493 of utility $65 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Booty Beater | 65% | 34 |
| #2 | Cryptic Rein | 59% | 78 |
| #3 | Deputy Kaleigh | 58% | 43 |
| #4 | Tiger | 52% | 65 |
| #5 | BigOlBre4d | 52% | 102 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Tiger | 52% | 65 |
| #5 | BigOlBre4d | 52% | 102 |
| #6 | Bubbles | 52% | 91 |
| #7 | Tim ツ | 44% | 9 |
| #8 | Monkeyslot | 32% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigOlBre4d | 21 | 0.0106 |
| #2 | Cryptic Rein | 12 | 0.0082 |
| #3 | Deputy Kaleigh | 7 | 0.0081 |
| #4 | Bubbles | 4 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Tiger | 4 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Cryptic Rein | 117 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | Deputy Kaleigh | 111 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #3 | Bubbles | 103 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| #4 | Booty Beater | 76 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #5 | Tiger | 73 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Osama Zynladen ✈ ▮▮ | +2.58 | 69 | 53 |
| #2 | BigOlBre4d | +2.19 | 74 | 45 |
| #3 | Tiger | +2.00 | 69 | 47 |
| #4 | Cryptic Rein | +0.25 | 60 | 49 |
| #5 | Bubbles | -0.58 | 50 | 49 |





