








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 67 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 24 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1983 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,798 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1010 | 36% |
| Smokes | 504 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 550 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 734 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $862,784 of utility $227 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 74 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Bubbles | 44% | 102 |
| #7 | Tim ツ | 43% | 28 |
| #8 | Deputy Kaleigh | 40% | 88 |
| #9 | Monkeyslot | 35% | 31 |
| #10 | daniel | 16% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BigOlBre4d | 20 | 0.0083 |
| #2 | Deputy Kaleigh | 19 | 0.0117 |
| #3 | Osama Zynladen ✈ ▮▮ | 17 | 0.0115 |
| #4 | Bubbles | 10 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | daniel | 7 | 0.0197 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deputy Kaleigh | 157 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #2 | Osama Zynladen ✈ ▮▮ | 142 | 0.10 | 4 min |
| #3 | Tiger | 124 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #4 | Bubbles | 113 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Booty Beater | 113 | 0.10 | 3 min |





