








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 220 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 443 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 64 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5258 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 32,571 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11752 | 36% |
| Smokes | 8997 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 7112 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 4710 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $412,490 of utility $38 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 312 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #11 | Uzicorn | 50% | 46 |
| #12 | Duckbert. | 47% | 139 |
| #13 | Becky with a K | 47% | 93 |
| #14 | Victuri | 46% | 80 |
| #15 | Christos | 43% | 49 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MX | 6 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | ParaDrop | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #3 | Duckbert. | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Becky with a K | 3 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | Victuri | 3 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Duckbert. | 346 | 0.12 | 10 min |
| #2 | Murder Mittens. | 337 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | Strategos666 | 297 | 0.20 | 9 min |
| #4 | ParaDrop | 183 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #5 | Victuri | 117 | 0.07 | 3 min |





