








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 114 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 99 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1096 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,672 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1021 | 18% |
| Smokes | 1580 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 2255 | 40% |
| Molotovs | 816 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $236,441 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 132 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Arsonist | 48% | 23 |
| #11 | FetalSmite | 46% | 80 |
| #12 | Duckbert. | 46% | 37 |
| #13 | ElDawg | 42% | 12 |
| #14 | MX | 27% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ogg | 3 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Reapsert | 2 | 0.0038 |
| #3 | FetalSmite | 1 | 0.0006 |
| #4 | Duckbert. | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Becky with a K | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FetalSmite | 498 | 0.29 | 14 min |
| #2 | Murder Mittens. | 200 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #3 | Duckbert. | 83 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Dixie Normous | 76 | 0.28 | 3 min |
| #5 | Logan5 | 65 | 0.06 | 2 min |





