








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
50 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 165 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 87 | 53% |
| Smokes | 42 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 17 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 19 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $18,860 of utility $62 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 33% | 3 |
| #2 | Myass | 33% | 3 |
| #3 | OE10x2 | 14% | 7 |
| #4 | Zerospace | 7% | 14 |
| #5 | LAWL! | 0% | 2 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zerospace | 2 | 0.0070 |
| #2 | Myass | 1 | 0.0156 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Zerospace | 44 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| #2 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | 15 | 0.23 | 0 min |
| #3 | Harry Maguire | 13 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #4 | OE10x2 | 12 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #5 | dumb weeb | 9 | 0.20 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | dumb weeb | +3.99 | 46 | 67 |
| #2 | Myass | +2.06 | 53 | 44 |
| #3 | Harry Maguire | +1.44 | 68 | 45 |
| #4 | Zerospace | +0.91 | 37 | 55 |
| #5 | OE10x2 | +0.72 | 52 | 46 |





