








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1135 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 268 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3762 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,209 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5564 | 46% |
| Smokes | 2629 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 1541 | 13% |
| Molotovs | 2475 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,284,242 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5381 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 49% | 51 |
| #2 | boser | 48% | 79 |
| #3 | Harry Maguire | 48% | 46 |
| #4 | Zerospace | 45% | 33 |
| #5 | edd | 45% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | boser | 48% | 79 |
| #3 | Harry Maguire | 48% | 46 |
| #4 | Zerospace | 45% | 33 |
| #5 | edd | 45% | 20 |
| #6 | OE10x2 | 43% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | boser | 6 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Harry Maguire | 2 | 0.0021 |
| #3 | edd | 2 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 1 | 0.0009 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | 319 | 0.30 | 7 min |
| #2 | boser | 289 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #3 | OE10x2 | 287 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #4 | Zerospace | 148 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #5 | Harry Maguire | 112 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hypogammaglobulinemia | +0.83 | 63 | 59 |
| #2 | Harry Maguire | +0.58 | 58 | 50 |
| #3 | OE10x2 | +0.19 | 59 | 62 |
| #4 | boser | -0.26 | 56 | 50 |
| #5 | FRIENDLY SUBWAY MANAGER | -0.41 | 64 | 58 |





